Personal Essay: The Art of Feeling Completely Worthless

The Art of Feeling Completely Worthless

Navigating the Unseen Burdens of Self-Worth and Expectation

To whomever it may concern,

They say failure is just part of life. And isn't it ironic? Because those very same people would probably rip it out of their own lives if they could. They say it, I think, just to make themselves feel a little less awful. So they don't have to face that gut-wrenching, entirely worthless feeling.

Sometimes, something just happens. And it leaves you feeling so utterly worthless. It's the thing that keeps you awake at night, your mind spinning, replaying everything, wondering how you could have just been better? You just wish you could be.

I’ve shared my complete thoughts on this subject — including a deeper look at the themes, and why this thought stayed with me — on my Substack newsletter.

Read the full essay here: Full Essay

Personal Essay: All Marriages Are Doomed to Failure

All Marriages Are Doomed to Failure.

Why I think marriage is just a slow, painful scam. 

To whomsoever it may concern,

Do you really want to get married?

Since we’re kids, everyone keeps telling us, “One day when you grow up, you’ll get married, blah blah blah.” But does anyone ever stop to actually think about it? Maybe you just don’t want to get married. And why not? Well, because—obviously—all marriages are doomed to fail.

And no, it’s not a matter of perception. Some people get out of their marriage through divorce. Some people stay in it until they die—showing the world how happy they are, while secretly thinking that if killing each other were legal, they'd have done it ages ago.

Trust me when I say: I want to believe people can stay happy in a marriage. It’s just hard to believe when you’ve never actually seen it happen.

I’ve shared my complete thoughts on this subject — including a deeper look at the themes, and why this thought stayed with me — on my Substack newsletter.

Read the full essay here: Full Essay

Personal Essay: Where is God & Where you can find him?

 To whomever it may concern,

Anything related to God is a heavy yet fascinating topic, not just for me but for many others. Growing up in a religious household—much like almost every other household in India—you witness people going to sacred places in search of God, praying to every deity they can find, some even praying for personal gain. It makes you wonder: how can these people believe so strongly in something they have never seen? What drives their faith? What do they hope to gain from it? Peace? But is peace truly attainable in this life?

Is it wealth? How can one expect to gain money without putting in the effort to work? Is it success in exams? Can someone pass an exam without studying? Is it marriage? If a person struggles to find a good partner, is it impossible to live alone? And if not, why not explore marriage websites instead of seeking divine intervention at a temple?

I’ve shared my complete thoughts on this subject — including a deeper look at the themes, and why this thought stayed with me — on my Substack newsletter.

Read the full essay here: Full Essay

Book Review: Things We Never Got Over

Things We Never Got Over by Lucy Score

Quote: 

"I didn't know what went behind closed doors. But I did know that sometimes a bad seed was just a bad seed. No matter what field it was planted in, no matter how it was tended, some just came up rotten."

Book Review: 11 Minutes

 

Eleven Minutes by Paul Coelho

Quote: "The little experience of life I've had has taught me that no one owns anything, that everything is an illusion - and that applies to material as well as spiritual things. Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever (as has happened often enough to me already) finally comes to realise that nothing really belongs to them. And if nothing belongs to me, then there's no point wasting my time looking after things that aren't mine; its best to live as if today were the first (or last) day of my life"

Book Review: From Blood & Ash

From Blood & Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Quote: 

"You would not like my answer, nor would you understand. Neither would I expect you to. Take this as a much-needed lesson, Penellaphe. Some truths do nothing but destroy and decay what they do not obliterate. Truths do not always sets one free. Only a fool who has spent their entire life being fed lies believes that."

Book Review: A Novel Love Story

A Novel Love Story by Ashley Poston

Quote:  

"Because even after the people were gone, there were still stories. There were always stories. Other people took the heart of her books, and kept them close, and nurtured them and grew into something new, because nothing could ever stay in stasis. Nothing ever stopped. Nothing was permanent. Art lived and breathed, like love, like friendship. Life-like works of art-was transformative. It persisted. And through them, so did we."

Book Review: Fourth Wing

 

Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros

Quote:  "If they need a fucking pep talk, then we both know they're not flying out of the quadrant on graduation day. Let's get real. I can hold their hands and make them a bunch of bullshit empty promises about everyone making it through if that helps them sleep, but in my experience, the truth is far more valuable. In war, people die. It's not glorious like the bards sing about, either. It's snapped necks and two-hundred-foot falls: There's nothing romantic about scorched earth or the scent of sulfur. This isn't some fable where everyone makes it out alive. It's hard, cold, uncaring reality. Not everyone here is going to make it home... to whatever's left of our homes. And make no mistake, we are at war every time we step foot in the quadrant. So if you won't get your shit together and fight to live, then no. You're not going to make it."

Book Review: Nothing Like The Movies

 

Nothing Like The Movies by Lynn Painter

Quote: 

"You can take time alone to think, Lib, and you can put space between us and decide I'm not worth the risk. There's nothing I can do to stop you from that. But just know that no matter what you decide, and no matter what happens, I will feel this way about you for the rest of my life. There will never be anyone else for me. Hard stop. So go have your think and do what you need to do. But Lizzie - we are worth the risk. We always will be." 

Book Review: Conversations with Friends

Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney

Quote: 

"The affair might be over, I thought, but something being over is not the same as something never having happened."

Book Review: All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

Quote: 

"Could he, by some miracle, keep this going? Could they hide here until the war ends? Until the armies finish marching back and forth above their heads, until all they have to do is push open the door and shift some stones aside and the house has become a ruin beside the sea? Until he can hold her fingers in his palms and lead her out into the sunshine? He would walk anywhere to make it happen, bear anything; in a year or three years or ten, France and Germany would not mean what they meant now; they could leave the house and walk to a tourists' restaurant and order a simple meal together and eat it in silence, the comfortable kind of silence lovers are supposed to share."